There are two things on my mind right now: friends and academics.
Firstly friends.
I am a selfish person. I know this. I don't think I am as selfish as they come. I try to think and do nice things for others. I find I save face more than most people I know. I try not to call people out or embarrass them. I love to gossip. But if it is something truly embarrassing I will not spread word of it. I find myself accommodating others. I go out of my way to avoid conflict and simplify life. I am selfish in the way that I think about myself A LOT. Not in the normal daily activities or getting through your day kind of way. But in conversations. In a "what about me, ask me how my day was, what am I going to say next" kind of way. I have always felt that I listen to others more than I confide in them. I think this is for the most part true. Don't get me wrong; I like to talk. But I don't like confiding past a certain point. It's much easier to be the confider than the confidee. But lately I have been feeling like my conversations and interactions have been unfairly lopsided. So much in fact that I have started making mental notes. I know this is quite Tom Petty of me but it's easiest to take text messages and written conversations into play. I get too carried away talking to take metal notes. But with texts, I will send long descriptions complaining about something or saying how my day is then follow the text up with a "how are you." Then numerous different people will text back with a vent of their own. Call me old fashion but I find it common courtesy to at least acknowledge what the other person said before of blundering on about yourself. I have thought of many reasons as to why this can be. First I thought that maybe I complain about the same thing over and over again. I know a few people who do this. I admit that there are a few topics I do this for but for the most part I think no. Secondly, I thought maybe what I vent about are meaningless topics and don't make a difference. This is probably true. Thirdly, I reasoned that maybe I vent too much and am too negative too often. I ruled this out because one of my friends doesn't acknowledge almost everything positive I tell her about. . . Lastly, I have decided that people are selfish, just as I am, and it's hard to find people who care about you as much as you do them. With all of this bitterness comes some sweetness of really appreciating the people who do care about me as much as I do them.
Academics
1. Today I took my metamorphic midterm. I think I did well except for the last question. I did not know the answer right away. The questioned prompted to not only answer the question but explain why we answered it the way we did. I wrote down my reasoning and came up with an answer. Then last minute I changed my answer and turned in the test. I left my books and back pack in a different room next to the stairwell. I went to check my book for the answer and found that my first answer was correct. I then proceeded to yell and cuss. As I was one of the last people to turn in said test my professor heard me as he was leaving and I had to explain myself. Awesome. I have been quite upset about this. If only I wouldn't have changed my answer. The part that upsets me most is that the question is worth an entire letter grade.
2. I have been having a hard time deciding what I want to do for grad school. I have narrowed it down (so far) to hydrology or stratigraphy. I really like paleontology but I do think that it's something that needs to be paired with something else to be useful. I have also decided to not worry about the job I'd get but more on the project I'd be dedicating two years to. And I really think stratigraphy is it.
3. I have a plan for next semester. I am going to take 12 credits, T.A. a 101 class, and see if I can do a paleontology senior thesis. Then I'll just take more summer classes. I will walk in the spring and get my diploma in the summer.
4. Mickey, my advisor and dean of department, thinks I am setting my sites too low for schools to apply to. We separated schools into 3 calibers- top (ivy league) middle (big well known schools) and lower (state school). He thinks I need to aim to the 2nd caliber schools. I am apprehensive on this. I don't think I'm good enough. Sure I have good grades but only because I work hard and am very lucky. I don't think I retain things very well, and that is a major flaw. I want to be a big fish in a little pond. I like success. I doubt I'll find it at a school like penn state. . . . more on this later.
1. I think just the fact that you can contemplate your degree of selfish-ness, demonstrates the fact that you are less selfish than you think. Would a truly selfish person even think about that? Probably not. But, on the other hand, I see your point. We are all selfish in one way or another...I guess that is a part of being human. But I also think deciding how much selfishness we allow in ourselves depends on what kind of human we are. I think you are a selfless human being type. But I'm biased, cause you're my sister. And I like you. And you always cheer me up, and support me, and love me.
ReplyDelete2. Opps. That does not rock.
3. Whooo-hooo! that rocks.
4. Well...what's the harm in applying? :)
Hi Rachey!! Applying to grad school is hard!! I think you should definitely apply to those schools that you consider "reach" schools, and then also to the state schools (or 3rd tier or whatever you called them). It's ok to send out lots of apps - it's an investment into your future!! Best case: you get into all of them and have a decision to make!! And there is no harm in applying - except for $$. But in economics, its an investment into your future. Done and done.
ReplyDeleteI applied to 5 schools, got into 4, and got funding at 2. I was fully funded at Oregon State, and partially funded at CU-Boulder. My future funding at Boulder would have been based on my performance relative to other students, and I didn't feel prepared for that. I chose OSU because I felt I would have a better chance to succeed than at a big school with lots of competition (with me being a little fish!). That has worked for me. I don't think it's setting your sights low, I think it's being realistic about how you fit in.
BUT what's important is that you apply to ALL of them - including the ones you're hesitant about (CU-Boulder was one of my reach schools). ESPECIALLY if your advisor supports you doing that! Don't sell yourself short. No harm in applying.
I can't wait to hear the updates - and where are you applying?!?! Sorry for the long rant. I'm excited for you!